march 5

i want to freeze time.  i want to freeze time so that i can work out.  i want to freeze time to make music - while no one is in the house, because i want to sit and cry too.  i want to write.  i want to shoot beautiful pictures of real things.  i want to freeze time to meditate on things - truths and grace and change and all the stuff i've learned - and i want to resume life with my heart in the right place and the framework to take life on as it comes: not with an eraser in hand, but with the confidence and humility to continue writing without fear, knowing a bigger hand is guiding mine.

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to stop.

and then start to live a life changed by the things that matter - things that take time.  things that shake my world and rip my heart while holding them together with a peace that reigns.  things that open my eyes to see what i've missed, what has always been there, what i've refused to acknowledge.  things that make me weep - to live in a different light with a purpose that touches the everyday.

things like Jesus.

"only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live."  deuteronomy 4:9

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i want to freeze time.  it's march.  i can't remember a year when i've been happier to see spring come.  what feels like every day, i have flashbacks to my spring of 2013 - a happy time - and i can't wait to see what happens this year.  with all this gray and rain and cold, all i want is green.  yellow.  pink.  the sunshine, the music.

i wanted to redesign my blog, to start fresh like the green grass and the white buds emerging on the wet tree branches.  i wanted to post every day in march, forcing myself to write and get back into this hard yet rewarding habit.  i wanted to tell you how much i love spring, how this is hands-down my favorite season.

i am 22 days away from being 18.  statements like that scare me, but then again i've been waiting for this for a long time.  it's a weird push-and-pull between already considering myself 18 and never wanting to grow up, never wanting this time to be done.

graduation, parties, 18, driver's license, spring break, senior pictures.  life.

here i go again, being sentimental.  but truly, i am so excited.  thank You, Lord, for march.  the winter is gone and You are cultivating the seeds of that dry season, bringing to light things i never would have imagined and never could have dreamed.