what unfaithful means.

These are the things I no longer wish to understand.

That growing up doesn’t mean later bedtimes and more privileges; it means less sleep and no time to read good books.  What “unfaithful” means.  That some people can’t be trusted.  Why love is hard.  

That was heavy, I suppose.  But life is heavy.  At nineteen years old, I have seen things that would make your hair stand up.  I have cried many tears and said hard goodbyes.  

But I have also said hello.  It is a fact that sometimes the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is true, and the joy at being reunited is why it hurts all the more when, conversely, people say goodbye and forget.  It is because we were made to remember - people, experiences, trials, and joy - and let those things mold us.  That is how we are supposed to live, I suppose.  When we forget who we are, and more importantly, Who He is - we do ourselves a disservice, and we act in accordance with our sad human nature.

But there is hope, isn’t there?  Sticky notes on our mirrors and on our hearts help us to “…be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live” (Deuteronomy 4:9).  That’s the standard.  When we remember, we move forward.  We have things on which to build.  No “one step forward, two steps back.”  We keep moving on.

How then should you approach life?  It is true that you cannot live in the past, but you must know that you, at one time, lived in the past.  You learn from your mistakes, get up, and try again.

In reality (this side of the Garden), I guess I can’t do away with what I know.  If I wished not to understand why love is hard, then I wouldn’t be able to understand why it’s worth it.  If I wished not to understand that some people can’t be trusted, I wouldn’t rejoice when I found one that I truly could trust (and know that that’s a rarity).  If I preferred not to know what it means to be unfaithful, then not only would I be blind to others’ facades, but I also would misunderstand myself and take for granted the One Who, when I am faithless, remains ever faithful.